Louise, on addiction to a caffeine rush and the perfect tomato.

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Will I ever stop trying to live on the edge? I'm in a Grand Prix car race all day every day. Right in my body. The caffeine doesn't help matters. (Think I'm addicted to the adrenaline rush--) Makes me feel important. And I use the kids schedule to justify it. The thing is, I'm rushing away from myself!

I am sorry. But not sorry enough to change. The thought of having to hold still, to wait. I can't be alone with myself-- forget it! I'd rather live on the verge of a panic attack than stick one toe in the emptiness.

I'm not even gonna think about scones -- or I'll never zip my jeans again. Better stick to this frantic search for the perfect tomato. Keeps me on the straight and narrow: anxious and TENSE. The way I like it.