So I stuck my neck out today. A savvier friend was holding my hand but I was the one on the block.
It feels like I fell on my face. You know that feeling of having the tendons behind your knees and on the inside of your elbows (virtually) cut? It wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been as we had only gotten to the Assistant, and it wasn't a flat out rejection but it was a pretty strong message that Plan B will not be as easy as I was hoping.
On the plus side, the experience is completely different from my recent *disappointment* and is proof that my risk-taking muscle is getting stronger cause I'm no where near flattened. In fact I feel kind of relaxed. The thought descended like a cartoon bubble that it's no surprise that putting myself out there is hard. After eight years of running the show, of not having to ask anybody to want me or what I've got, of course this is hard!
But wIthout my savvy friend holding my hand and you cheering me on, it would be a very different story. Thank you for all you're doing.
Decades ago, someone planted these lilies in a garden, but now they're in a field, almost unnoticed. Isn't there some biblical quote about the lilies of the field - "they toil not and neither do they spin"... ?