Go Big or Go Bust: Day 71 (on The Gypsynester and the power of audience)

One truth about gathering an audience on the internet is that it’s not very effective to do it one-by-one, a method which could also be called “my way”.  I like the one-to-one interaction.  I like giving one of my little cards to the FedEx person behind the counter, one to the young woman I have a laugh with waiting at a red light, little by little, in the course of my days.  

Veronica and David James, The Gypsynester, have taken a different approach.  Veronica explained it very simply: “We’re all about community.”  

The most recent example is that they threw a book party in the very elegant Library Hotel’s rooftop Bookmarks Lounge to launch their new book Going Gypsy: One Couple's Adventure from an Empty Nest to No Nest at All.  And at their party, they spent a disproportionate amount of time plugging The Louise Log and other guests' projects, which, of course, totally broke the ice and made it easy for everybody to talk to everybody.  And then the authors raffled off some really nice presents including three days and nights at an incredible-looking resort in Costa Rica.  (A guy from Audible won that.)  Is it any wonder they have a huge following?  

I bought a copy of their (rollickingly fun) page-turner which is about their adventures as ‘gypsynester empty nesters’: how they sold their house and worldly goods and went on the road in a used RV.  Instead of sitting around staring at empty bedrooms and the empty backseat, they’re touring the world.  And in doing this, they’re a testament to the fact that the internet has made their adventure possible.  They’ve managed to gather up a big enough audience that sponsors and advertisers are funding their dream.  It's possible!  It's inspiring.
 

Me in the lobby of the Library Hotel waiting for the elevator.

Me in the lobby of the Library Hotel waiting for the elevator.

Veronica and David James, the Gypsynester (@gypsynester) with a copy of their (#1 on Amazon) new book.

Veronica and David James, the Gypsynester (@gypsynester) with a copy of their (#1 on Amazon) new book.

Charli James (@Charli), a video producer/journalist taking a picture of her parents with her grandfather looking on. 

Charli James (@Charli), a video producer/journalist taking a picture of her parents with her grandfather looking on. 

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 69 (on using writing to delve way down)

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Part of me feels like this writing-to-access-childhood-memories/my-unconscious is a lot of pie in the sky.   How the heck am I actually going to get back to my childhood self?

So I loved getting these responses from yesterday’s post: Sharon Kahn pointed out that the only thing she accessed, writing with her non-dominant hand (after breaking the dominant one), was ‘deep frustration’.  Rachel Dangermond wrote that she’d had experience writing from the point of view of her six year old self. “You would be amazed what happens.”

Hmmm.  Sounds good, Rachel.  But how the heck did you get back into your 6 year old self?  I don’t want to end up in the frustration circle.

Facing the possibility that I could go either way made me get real and  I’m happy to report that I have a plan.   (more)

La Marquise Casati by Man Ray (1922)

La Marquise Casati by Man Ray (1922)

About sixteen years ago, my dear friend Rita, who had no aspirations to be a writer herself, had taken and practically insisted that I sign up for Ira Progoff’s Intensive Journal Workshop.  She was very forceful about the value of it.  And when she added “It isn’t about ‘writing’”, the intimidation factor vanished and I signed up.  

And so for one weekend I hunched over a desk in a classroom with thirty other hopefuls, listening to our teacher Annette Corvatta explain the program and guide us through exercises.

At one point, I think it was on the second day, we were to write a “Dialogue with the Body”.  What I remember is that we were to choose something ‘hot’, something charged, and to go through the Stepping Stones (important moments … the whole process is clearly explained in the book version) which lead up to this ‘hot’ experience of one aspect of the body.  And then we were to start writing a dialogue with that part as if it were able to hear and to respond.

The hottest thing I could think of was something that had been traumatic when it had happened ten years earlier, a miscarriage.  

But I’d dealt with it.  I’d been in a black depression until finally talking and crying about it.  And then I’d had a cathartic shift to clarity and an awareness of my feet connecting to the uneven flagstones on Sullivan Street in Soho.  I remember feeling peaceful, whole and very alive, thinking, “I don’t need fame and I don’t need money.  All I need is to be connected to what I’m feeling.”

So flashing forward to the classroom, I knew I was on pretty safe ground.  Yes I could write about a hot experience, but one I had Down.  

I went through the Stepping Stones which helped me to get into the emotional state of that time and started writing.  To my surprise, the voice of my body started the conversation.

To my astonishment, within five minutes I was sobbing, tears dropping all over my writing hand and my paper.

There were predictable feelings of my inadequacy as a woman and there were surprising feelings from my body’s point of view.  This I’d never even considered.  My body had feelings?? My body had a point of view?  Indeed it did.

My body was kind of pissed off at how my emotional self had reacted.  My body was hurt by how I distanced myself from it, how I judged it as defective.  

I was astonished to hear from my body.  And the last sentence of the dialogue was the body talking in a voice that I didn't (and don't) recognize as my own:  “I’m smart like an animal.”   

 

 

 

 

 

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 68 (on freedom from fear and writing with the non-dominant hand)

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Since my (Day 66) taste of freedom from the straitjacket of fear, I've been trying to figure out how to make that happen more often.  Now there's a half-truth if ever there was one, if not an outright lie.  I want to burst out of this straitjacket once and for all.  YESTERDAY.   But alas, I don't have a clue as to where to begin. The whole experience happened beyond my conscious control.

Screen Shot 2015-03-28 at 10.22.49 PM.png

And then this morning, in a totally different context, my friend Bonnie dropped a possibly life-changing hint: writing with the non-dominant hand is a technique for accessing childhood memories and the unconscious.  I can't WAIT to head down that dark trail ... (as soon as the highlights reel is finished, being Mrs. Linear-I-do-one-thing-at-a-time).  I'll keep you posted. 

 

 

 

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 66 (on power dynamics, yentas, and control issues)

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I’m the first to admit that I have *control issues* (for good reason, I might add) but before we go off on that, here’s something which may be great or it may put the kibosh on my big plans.  Whatever.  It’s happening.

I’m very tightly wrapped.  I’m also very conscious of power, having been keenly tuned to power dynamics from an early age.  Like any good politician, I know that to maintain power you don’t put yourself out there until you’ve tested the water.  The more quiet you are, the less of a target.  And so, I generally play my cards very close to the chest.  

Once a paragon of discretion, the author has recently been transformed.

Once a paragon of discretion, the author has recently been transformed.

But in the past couple of days, something seems to have shifted: I seem to be changing from a ‘paragon’ non-interventionist silent observational person who may be a little austere, but is generally beyond reproach.  Suddenly, I’m a yenta.

Two nights ago, a young woman I’d never met called up.  My kids had alerted me that she might so as to arrange to pick something up from our place.  On the phone she didn’t sound very respectful (she wasn’t disrespectful) but my normal response to her would have been to be very guarded and quiet… until she realized that I wasn’t some desperate person who’d been waiting all day for her call.  

But during the conversation, I heard myself asking what her last name was, what kind of work she does (and did) and, not just the field she’d gotten a new job in, but specifically what she was doing in that field.  

I hung up the phone, kind of shocked at my behavior, but made a firm decision that when she came over, I was going to return to the tried and true- I’d be neither talkative nor overly-friendly.  I'd command her respect.  It’s bad enough being treated like you’re over-the-hill without giving someone reason to.

So when she rang the door bell, right off the bat, I addressed her by a shortened version of her name - a nickname she had not divulged to me.  And then, out of nowhere, I turned into a human avalanche.  “College?  Nationality?  And you're moving where?  Oh, and...?"  With a glance, I asked if the guy helping her carry the stuff is ‘the guy’… completely out of control.  

I was telling my husband about it, that all of a sudden, I’ve become Nosy the Chatterbox.  “No,” he replied, though keep in mind that he knows which side his bread is buttered on, “You’re changing and you’re coming more alive.”  

Could it be some kind of unconscious process of self-acceptance which comes from realizing that this is it, that this is my shot at life?  That for the first time ever, curiosity and the realization of my humanity and mortality are overwhelming the fear which has had me in a straitjacket for my whole life?  Am I actually starting to ‘let go’?

 

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 64 (Breakfast of Champions)

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Determined to stay the course and get this show OUT TO THE WORLD, whenever I see someone clear-headed and energetic,  I make a point of asking what they had for breakfast.  Rare is the person who gets that this is an earnest question.  (Or maybe they don't eat breakfast... or just don't want to talk about it?)  I am very seriously into food for the experience of it and as fuel. 

A number of years ago, we were in Philadelphia and went out for breakfast as a family.  I had the usual scrambled eggs, buttered toast, orange juice and coffee with milk.  It was a gorgeous, sunny Spring morning before 10AM and I was well-rested.  On leaving the restaurant I was overcome with exhaustion and could hardly make it the half a block to the car.  I needed a Nap. 

I've since sworn off caffeine, large glasses of orange juice, white sugar and white flour.  If I don't eat a good breakfast, I'm like a wild animal before noon - stuffing anything within reach down the gullet.  This has been my standard breakfast for a while: oatmeal or brown rice (or kasha, etc), roasted nuts, a banana, currants and some diced orange or lemon peel.  (Freeze the peel and it'll last.) Cinnamon or cardamom is nice on top but we're out of it.  Some milk. 

What's your best breakfast?

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 62 (on writer Edith Pearlman breaking out at age 78)

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I practically shrieked with excitement last night when I heard about Edith Pearlman, a writer who has, until now, been pretty much under the radar. 

I'm firmly convinced that age is a state of mind and undaunted by the voices in my head (and elsewhere) that suggest otherwise.  As for recognition?  As vedic astrologer Dr. Kumar summed it up (video to follow, one of these weeks): "It's all a matter of luck ... and destiny."  So recognition, smec-kognition.  I'm staying steady on my path.

James Woods' glowing New Yorker review of Honeydew, the recently published collection of Pearlman's short stories, gives a tempting taste of what all the excitement is about.

Edith Pearlman

Edith Pearlman


Go Big or Go Bust: Day 61 (on Anna Wintour, Albert Einstein and uniforms)

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More than a decade ago, I read that every day, Karl Lagerfeld steps out of the bath and into a freshly laundered white, cotton pique housecoat.

In The Devil Wears Prada, we learned that Anna Wintour goes in the same but 180º opposite direction, generally wearing one (brand new) article of clothing one time and one time only. 

I still think about this. 

Even before hearing that Steve Jobs wore the same thing every day (one of many identical pieces of 'the same thing') I was onto this idea at the age of 8, gracing Echo Ridge Girl Scout Camp with my favorite pair of green shorts and matching 'angel' top every day for two weeks.  There's efficiency in not having to figure out what to wear and it's so reassuring to know you're always going to feel good about your clothes.  (I've just discovered from the link for Steve Jobs that Albert Einstein was onto this too.)

But here's a burning question: if (with your computer lifestyle) you don't get your uniform dirty and so rarely even have to wash/dry clean it, do you benefit by but also possibly suffer from keeping the same 'vibes' on you day after day after day? 

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts AND see a picture of your uniform. 

Vest and sweater Jil Sander for Uniqlo (couple years ago), Levi jeans ('revels'), Blundstone boots on their third set of soles.

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 59 (What is this, "Moses Crossing the Desert"?)

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4.6.08  Drained beyond drained last night after the shoot.  Wrung OUT.  So relieved that we'd made it through and gotten all the shots but couldn't give myself the pleasure of feeling satisfied and relaxed.  To bed at ten and couldn't sleep.  Plagued by thought that didn't get a good enough reaction shot when Louise and the kids walk in and find Phineas on the floor.  X suggested that I might want to direct the kids' EYES, tell them where to LOOK.  Felt like such an amateur, wanted to shout: "Do you have any idea how many things I'm trying to think about??" 

4.8.08  Why do I give these people power over me?  People who are not as smart or as deep as I am--  why do I even care about what they think??

4.10.08  Episode #4 had such good clear conflict.  We need that in every episode- strong conflict which  makes clear what Louise wants.  What does she want in this one? 

4.13.08  Gotta start practicing on Final Cut Pro, organize auditions for #8, write the end of #7.  Feeling sweaty and headachey.  Who has the energy for yoga?  J and her friend A came over and stayed too long.  Totally drained.  I don't know how to say: "Okay, I'm so glad you came but now I have to get back to work." 

4.15.08   Feels like #4 was uploaded YEARS ago.  Maybe #5 is so many headaches cause it's varied, outside to inside, and back out again.  Three new characters.  It's practically a road movie.  Or "Moses Crosses the *Desert*"  (AKA Seventh Avenue)

4.16.08   Got mixed up and deleted whole bunch of files which seemed to be duplicated on  internal hard drive.  Wiped them off the external hard drive and realized that I'd deleted them - from everywhere... all the camera files for the first four episodes.  Wanted to scream (and shoot myself).  Also did the full yoga thing yesterday for the first time in at least ten days and now legs feel like they're separating from torso. 

4.17.08   Does Louise come off as not really loving her kids? 

4.19.08   CRAZY about Matt Keating's song "Here and Then You're Gone".  Very excited by Chris Cook's response to the finished episode- and, there was a second comment!  Woo-ee!





Go Big or Go Bust: Day 58 (we need a logline ... hmm)

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So I'm supposed to be 'knocking off' a highlights reel, the making of which is, of course, turning into an epic story of procrastination and u-turns, shoulder blades stabbing me in the back and almost all the rest of life thrown under the bus.

I guess this is the nature of tackling a whole new area, i.e. promotion.  And there is progress.  Even if it feels like MOLASSES.  In the meantime, I would Love your input:

Do you like any of these for a log line? 

Do you have a better one? 

(Please use the comments or email me.)  THANK YOU. 

- Maybe spinach would help.
- Welcome to Crazy Town.
- She’s got issues.
- Perfectly normal, right?
- Maybe ‘letting go’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

 

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 55 (on Delusion and Flight of the Conchords)

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This video turned my head around when I was first considering making 'youtube videos'. These guys are so smart and So funny, it helped me to brush the chip off my shoulder and see the internet as a place for serious work.  And though Louise may have issues, by comparison with these guys, she's a model of sanity. 

If you've seen this, let me reassure you, I'm watching it for the fifth time since starting to write this post.  If you've never seen it, swallow whatever's in your mouth before you press play.  For my money, this is pure inspiration.


Go Big or Go Bust: Day 53 (on a torn retina)

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I thought I was having some sort of enlightenment experience the other week when I saw all the meteors out of the corner of my eye.  But when, a few days later, I couldn't wipe the smudge off my glasses and realized, it was on my eye, my little saga began. 

from Chien Anadalou by Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali

from Chien Anadalou by Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali

The story is tedious and complicated so I'll give you the short version: three doctors, many dilations and a lot of lights beamed through my pupils later, I'm one of every twenty-five people over fifty who has a torn retina.  The good news is, I've survived laser surgery to tack it down so this tear doesn't lead to a 'separated retina'.  The thought of laser surgery on my eyes had struck terror in my soul but, having gone through it yesterday, I can tell you that it's intense but not a cause for terror.

FYI, here's what I've learned might be signs of a problem with a retina: flashing lights, a lot of 'floaters' or, most serious of all, a dense dark shadow in your field of vision.  If you see a dense dark shadow, get to a retina specialist on the double.  It could mean the beginning of a retina separation which, if caught quickly, can be reattached without a loss of vision. 

I've been giving my eyes a break from the computer so am way behind with social media, etc.  But I'll be back soon, a little humbled but very grateful for modern medicine and these good eyes.