I was talking with a dear family member over the weekend who shares my impulsive approach to work, who works full-throttle on whatever he feels drawn to and who has been successful by any measure. But he doesn't feel that he's been successful. He isn't rich or famous or powerful. If only he'd focused on one aspect of what he does instead of spreading himself thin, he feels sure that he'd be reaping these rewards. I pointed out that Ben Affleck or Matt Damon had said something like "Fame is the greatest single thing in the entire world. For about twenty minutes." Anyway.
It was instructive and very helpful for me to observe this dilemma in someone else. I know that with his intelligence and energy he's capable of doing whatever is necessary to become rich and famous. But I also see that it's not in his nature (nor is it in mine) to constrain and suppress his life force to (for example) sit at a desk all day every day cranking out a novel every year (a web series episode every week) whether his (my) heart is in it or not.
And in fact, to do that might just make him (me) physically ill!
It's clear that he's actually 'living the dream'. He's on fire all day every day doing what he's doing. And he's even making a significant difference in the world and getting paid to do it.
This doesn't mean that I'm giving up on the hope of getting The Louise Log out to a wide audience, but it helps me to realize that I'm already 'living the dream' and to be grateful for that. It hasn't always been so.
Today I finished vacuuming my new studio and this part, the office. Hoping to move in tomorrow.