Go Big or Go Bust: Day 204 (grousing about wealth, success, massive recognition, feeling competitive and the Spice Girls)

If you're reading this, you're probably aware that I have a thing about success.  I see other people killing it with their work online and have a hard time getting past the old:  "But hey!  What about The Louise Log?" 

For better or for worse, I'm competitive.  And in spite of my attempts to tamp this monster down, it seems to be a part of who I am.  Massive recognition and financial compensation continue to be two of the elusive markers of success I really (really) want. *

So, naturally, I was grousing about this the other day in a room full of people and a financial adviser, who's friends with friends of mine, heard me.   She took me aside and practically stabbed me in the chest with her pointing finger. 

"Anne!  You have great wealth!  You have emotional wealth!  Passion!  I advise very wealthy people.  And a lot of them spend a great deal of money on very expensive vacations, traveling the world trying to feel passion.  Trying to feel!   You already have this, in every hour of every day!"

Hearing this hit me like a rogue wave, but in a good way.  It turned everything around.  And it made me feel grateful and made me see my situation in a new light.  I am successful.  I LOVE my life!  I'm doing what I want to be doing and even finding like-minded people online who follow what I'm doing.  I'm one of the lucky ones.  

*Spice Girls!

On set of The Louise Log #34 with Jennifer Sklias-Gahan

Go Big or Go Bust: Day 161 (on fame and success)

I was talking with a dear family member over the weekend who shares my impulsive approach to work, who works full-throttle on whatever he feels drawn to and who has been successful by any measure.  But he doesn't feel that he's been successful.  He isn't rich or famous or powerful.  If only he'd focused on one aspect of what he does instead of spreading himself thin, he feels sure that he'd be reaping these rewards.  I pointed out that Ben Affleck or Matt Damon had said something like "Fame is the greatest single thing in the entire world.  For about twenty minutes."   Anyway.

It was instructive and very helpful for me to observe this dilemma in someone else.  I know that with his intelligence and energy he's capable of doing whatever is necessary to become rich and famous.  But I also see that it's not in his nature (nor is it in mine) to constrain and suppress his life force to (for example) sit at a desk all day every day cranking out a novel every year (a web series episode every week) whether his (my) heart is in it or not.  

And in fact, to do that might just make him (me) physically ill! 

It's clear that he's actually 'living the dream'.  He's on fire all day every day doing what he's doing.  And he's even making a significant difference in the world and getting paid to do it.

This doesn't mean that I'm giving up on the hope of getting The Louise Log out to a wide audience, but it helps me to realize that I'm already 'living the dream' and to be grateful for that.  It hasn't always been so. 

Today I finished vacuuming my new studio and this part, the office.  Hoping to move in tomorrow.